A teacher of mine from high school once told me that she thought I lacked focus (after telling me about my various other faults on multiple occasions). I think about her now and then when I carry bags of books out of the library with subjects ranging from interior design, to photography, to writing, drawing, psychology, history, etc. I also think about that when I look back on my two writing degrees and my career in retail, banking, and now the library. I wonder why I’ve had such trouble staying on one subject or career. I’m not sure about the answer yet, but I do know that I am endlessly curious and I don’t think that is something to be discouraged, particularly by an educator.
I thought about that teacher today as I read Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Having Fun Without Me? when she started to describe one of her friend’s boyfriends who had gone to graduate school for multiple degrees, but drifted from one entry level job to another. She went on to declare this man to actually be a boy, even though he was technically thirty-two. I am thirty-two. I have multiple degrees. And I am now back in an entry-level position. (I know Mindy Kaling was definitely not referring to me in any way and even if she somehow was, I could only feel flattered by the mention.)
But it gave me pause in which I thought those decisions were right for me. I could have become an Assistant Manager at the bank where I worked. Several managers told me this. But I didn’t. I quit banking and started over again at the library on the bottom rung. I followed my interest and my values and put those above status, money, and other people’s opinions (which has more to do with them and their own need to feel superior). I think if anything, my tendency to consider the opinions and desires of others (who don’t have to live my life) have interfered with my ability to discover what I want and need for myself. So yes, I could see how this would appear as “lack of focus.” But in reality, I’m focusing on you all so much, what “you” want from me, that I lose track of what I want and care about.
So, to combat this I’ve decided to increase my efforts to write more and examine my own thoughts and opinions in this blog. Also, I’d like to continue to “focus” on my photography and work on forming a side business in selling and marketing my photography. This is another interest that I’ve put off really investing in because a mentor once told me that so many people were interested in photography that the chances of my making money was slim. Maybe that is true. But even so, I love doing it and if anyone else would enjoy my photos, I want to make them available. So, to that end, I’d like to share my new photography website where my photos are now available to buy in various formats.